Tips to Argue With

Not Helpful:

  • Assuming you know what the other person is thinking
  • Thinking of your response instead of listening to the other person
  • Not controlling your negative emotions
  • Blame-calling and insults
  • Making “You” statements, e.g. “You always fail to do what you promise.”
  • Making “Always” and “Never” statements
  • Bringing up past problems that do not fit the current issue
  • Making demands
  • Not taking responsibility for your part in the problem
  • Interrupting the other person
  • Avoiding answering questions
  • Being inflexible and rigid, “my way or no way” thinking





Thinking of your response instead of listening to the other person is not helpful.

Helpful:

  • Listening to hear facts, tone, and emotion
  • Asking questions
  • Breathing slowly and regularly to remain calm
  • Giving the benefits of the doubt
  • Making “I” statements, e.g. “I feel frustrated when you don’t do what you say you will do.”
  • Focusing on the behaviors and not the person
  • Using empathy to understand, what is it like for the other person in this situation?
  • Making requests
  • Accepting responsibility
  • Acknowledging areas of agreement and common ground
  • Agreeing to requests of the other person you don’t mind honoring
  • Letting the other person finish their statement without interruption
  • Answering questions directly
  • Being open-minded





Focusing on the behaviors
and not the person is helpful.